It's Raining Balls

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I recently was surfing the deep blue that is the internet. Then I found This Article that discussed about how halo will not only make you kill people, but turn into a crazy motherfucker. It said 'Halo 2, and the criminal mind' to make a catching title, but I think mine is more catching. It's the most false article I've ever seen. It's unbelievable that he seems to think we'll believe this. I really hope this is a joke. You can read it yourself, but I'm gonna sum it up here.

He opens talking about how the statistics talk about games not increasing violence. A matter a fact, they've more than been cut in half. But this asshole can't accept the concept of a damn video game not turning into a serial killer creator. So he went into the world of Halo 2. The best shooter ever!!!

So, he has a recorder with this Farther named John who enjoys shooters, but has never played halo!!!! "I enjoy shooters but never played halo" is an oxymoron. This has to be a fabrication. But it gets better.

""I've got a question," says Mrs. John from the doorway. "How did you know you were supposed to shoot those guys?"

.... OMG! What is that? Was he suppose to assume the spews of enemies on the screen with guns are room service. It's the plot. Guy in costume shoots people who aren't humans. It's been the plot for games through years and years! He's Master Chief, not Master Negotiator. I found a comic by the site VG Cats. Although I hate to steal pictures, I will say this, VGCats.com Rules!!! Pic found at this page. So without further ado,

John says that's a stupid question. As well it was. Yada yada yada. He calls her a "wench"! I though this was America, not 1800 England.

Yada yada yada, Apparently, John got a boner from Halo. "John had become physically aroused by the battle"! Is this a joke? No way. This is ridiculous.

Then they take it online. He made his self all pink with a glowing heart. His theory is they hesitate to kill you when they think you're a girl.

Dave, the reporter, wants to play, he reaches for the controller. Then, John goes berserk. He treats the damn controller like he would mind less if he gripped his dick instead.

Apparently, John died 184 times in 30 minutes. He must really suck. How the hell dose that happen. That's over 6 times a minute! That's every 10 seconds. That's virtually impossible! You need talent for that.

John accuses ALL of the players he's played with of being hackers. He gets so pissed, he decides to just shoot his friends. His teammates. He gets so pissed from losing, he looks online for cheats, hacks, or glitch advantages.

Then, his sons started imitating the game. Playing Halo. I read a book about the perfect world, and even there, they played good guy bad guy. Are we suppose to vanquish all violence??? It's in our nature. Some forget we're still animal despite our 'golden' civilization.

He find a master cheat. It makes you invisible. John then goes to explain that the basis of war is cheating. I think the writer was biased against that opinion but even Sun Tzu would agree and that was a large basis for his book, 'The Art of War'!

Then John talks about the bomb during the cold war. Not the nuclear kind. The kind that turn people gay. See for yourself.

Yada yada yada. The cheat works. Then johns wife comes in and he says one of the stupidest things yet. ""What the fuck are you doing outside?" asked John. "There’s rapists out there!"" I think it's obvious that he's to stupid to be a criminal. But then he tops it. ""Are you still having that stupid no penis?"" Is this the dad or kid?

"She examines the TV, watching John stride up behind an unsuspecting opponent and blow holes in his back.

"Wait a second," she said. "Why did you kill that guy? Isn't he another human?"

John shook his head in frustration. "He's wearing blue armor."

"So... the guys in blue armor were also born evil?"

"Honey, if you would take a moment to think before you talk, you'd see that the uniform means he's on the other side. It's a game. Like football."

"But... you're blowing their guts out. So, like, in the Halo universe are you saying that it's a normal human pasttime to-""

If the mom and dad's that retarded, I wonder how the kids are. yada yada yada. Tea bagging. Thus the name. John teabags his victim. It's raining balls! >>>>>

"But... but you killed hundreds of those lizard men at the beginning of the game. I watched you. Doesn't it get old? And why are you doing that?"

It gets old if you cheat. People don... I want to save this in my summary, when I address the more general opinion that games cause violence.

Yada yada yada, apparently, we're to believe that a kid's getting kid napped while playing halo... WTF. Lets break down the chances. First of all, what are the chances that you'll get kidnapped period on that very day (VERY unlikely!!!), AND while playing halo!!! I think I've established this is a fabrication. But is this an example of someone who plays halo to the author? Moving on...

Later, John, somehow tricks a kid into thinking god is talking to him through his XBOX... He guessed some general information, then guessed his name!

He goes on to make a very exclusive clan and teabag with others like family. >>>>>

John then goes on to talk about... basically, how the only thing that makes someone with a boot on their neck happy is a neck under their boot.

Then John talks about a world where people live their whole lives in a video game! What a game nerd. Who is this jackass? Badass my ass.

In conclusion, I just want to say this. The guy in this article was fucked up, true. That doesn't mean it was because he played video games. Don't pull a Michael Moore on us. Furthermore, people don't play games for the violence, brutality, or to piss off other people on the XBOX live/internet. People play for adrenaline. They play for then thrill and strategy. This fictional character was a bad example. He was 1) a cheater 2) He sucked and didn't know the concept of strategy. And finally 3) Was fucking crazy!!!

Don't try to connect video games and violence. Unless you find some proof, STFU! Sorry to be so harsh. But to me, it's very clear that people don't play video games for the killing alone. Or else where's the excess blood??? And why have so much strategy and original game concepts??? Their struggling to find a reason. Keep trying. Find some truth, not lies. The way of Lincoln, not Moore. Till then, here's your criminal.